“There are souls that are incurable and lost to the rest of society. Deprive them of one means of folly, they will invent ten thousand others. They will create subtler, wilder methods, methods that are absolutely desperate. Nature herself is fundamentally antisocial, it is only by a usurpation of powers that the organized body of society opposes the natural inclination of humanity.”—Antonin Artaud, General Security: The Liquidation of Opium (1925)
At some point, I ended up on the GOP Action Team mailing list. The first time I received their “Dear Fellow Patriot” memo, I was surprised and delighted. How did I, an extremely active liberal, get vetted onto the GOP Action Team? Instead of unsubscribing, I continued to receive the sporadic GOP blasts. Here is a sampling of what conservatives say when they think no one is listening.
OBAMA WANTS YOUR MONEY: Dear Fellow Patriot, You know that elections matter and that President Obama’s policies are going to burden us until we do away with them, but your friends and family might not. That’s why we’re asking you to forward the ObamaBill to your friends, family, and fellow tax filers, so that they can fully understand just what they’re dealing with, and begin the process of setting it right.
OBAMA VS. THE CONSTITUTION: Dear Fellow Patriot, President Obama’s judicial nominees have made it clear: the Founding Fathers got it wrong. If confirmed, Leftists like Goodwin Liu, Louis Butler, and David Hamilton will go through the Constitution with a red pen, radically expanding the power of government and dealing a devastating blow to personal freedom. Don’t give them that chance. Stop these radicals now, before it’s too late.
BE A GOP.COM TESTER!: Dear Fellow Patriot, Do you want to help shape the GOP web experience? The Republican National Committee is looking for individuals to help us put GOP.com to the test, so that we can craft our website to create the best online experience possible. Selected testers will be invited to a hands-on session with our new web platform. This is your chance to have a direct impact on the Republican National Committee.
"A serious pandemic is slowly infecting the youth of America. In ten short years, the hipster disease has spread rapidly, mostly through the Internet, and it is affecting the way we view pop culture. The hipster persona is highly contagious and can become addictive for the person who adopts it. Using the Breaking Away From Trends 12-Step Program, hipsters can beat their trend dependency and learn how to enjoy pop culture in moderation."
I had an entire list of LOST jokes prepared to ridicule Losties after the season finale. Now that I know the end was more lame than Dallas, I don’t even feel like making fun of them. It doesn’t feel right to kick a Lostie when they’re down. You know what makes me the saddest? All that time everyone wasted trying to find clues when the creators didn’t have a fuckin’ clue about how to end the series. If only the Losties had spent the past six years reading the books LIndelof and Lieber ripped off.
In short, I’m sorry you got caught in a six-year circle jerk that ended with all the chracters being dead, Losties. Better you than me. Next time you feel like gathering clues and plotting theories, read a sci-fi book.